So long
by AliceMCullen
Summary: Santana/Finn. Settled during college. Santana had changed and Finn, well, he was still the same.  Truly suck at summaries so please read
1. The Encounter

Lying on my stomach, a book carefully placed on top of the soft surface of the bed, one of my hands supporting my tired head while the other one pushed a pair of glasses up my nose to get a better view of the small font that seemed to transform into blurry lines every now and then. I haven't given up contacts yet, but putting them away was one of the things I did whenever I was home alone.

Home, right, as if this rat hole could be categorized as a home. It was small, too small, and way too small if you compared it to my parent's house. But I had to get out of there, that place wasn't a home either. That place was war inside four walls and that was the best description I can give it. To be completely honest, getting out of there was what brought me to this place to start with so I can't really complain, it was my decision and I have to face the consequences. Now that I come to think about it, it was a smart decision. Yes, a smart one despite it all.

Rolling so that I was now supported by my back, I rested my head on top of the open book. A tired sigh escaped my lips informing me how over studying I really was. The book, now on page 75 had been opened and re-read for about four hours now and the funniest thing is those four hours could be an exact representation of how my life had been for the past six months. With absolutely no possibility of a scholarship, since I quit the cheerleading squad, I had to do something I wouldn't have thought on doing, something I had never done in high school, a little thing people called studying.

If anyone could see me now, they would certainly laugh at the sight. My once straightened hair was now in a mess of curls falling around my face, my once extremely petite physique had filled up to a "normal" size, my ex-long nails were now chopped since I had no time to take care of them as I once maniacally did. But, probably, I would laugh at their faces too. Leaving my shallow self behind had allowed me to win a scholarship at NYU due to my grades and it had allowed me to get a part time job at that same institution by doing some tutoring. The payment wasn't much, but it was enough to keep me from resourcing to call my parents and beg them to take me back under their wing. Even if I was starving, I would never do that.

A soft grumble coming right from my stomach told me it was time to take a break, one that lasted more than five minutes. With a groan, I got up from bed. God, my back, I must be getting old already. Almost dragging my feet, I managed to put on a sweater and leave the apartment in search of some caffeine. I knew, in the back of my mind, I should have gotten instant coffee when I got the chance but, well, no use crying over spilt milk.

Not too windy outside, nice. I could tell the harsh New York winter was close to starting but I prayed every day for it to get delayed as much as possible. I hated winter, too much shivering, too much hunger, too many clothes.

Adjusting my glasses once again, I went into the nearest Starbucks just a block away from my place, go figure. As I walked to the counter, my eyes scanned the infinite coffee possibilities even though I already knew what I was going to ask for, and so did the cashier. Just as my lips parted to let some sound out…

"Santana, Santana Lopez?"

The name resounded in my ears as I tried to figure out where I had heard that familiar tone before. It took me less that a second to turn around and, with wide eyes, stare at the tall figure in front of me but it felt like an eternity.

Strongly built, brown hair, small but intense brown eyes, loopsided grin. Finn Hudson, he hadn't change a bit. It was right there, as my mouth opened and closed resembling a fish out of water, that I knew I should have wore my contacts before heading out.

"Hey"

I muttered a simple word, a simple syllable as I tucked a curl behind my ear unsuccessfully trying to look somewhat decent. As far as I knew, he should still be in Lima helping to coach the new generation of Glee Clubbers. What was he doing in New York, in my neighborhood, in my Starbucks? The whole situation was awkward to say the least. There we were, I was still standing in line and he was right behind me, both under the impatient look of the cashier whose face I had memorized by now. Neither of us knew what to do, it was pretty clear to me.

Should I hug him, kiss his cheek or maybe shake his hand? God, were we even friends? Yes, I knew him form high school and yes I took his virginity away just like I did to half of the boys in my year but that didn't meant we were on a friendly basis.

Thankfully enough, he was the first one to cut the awkwardness of the moment by giving me a hug. Not a tight hug, not a bear hug, just a hug that made me chuckle lightly. Wow, I could chuckle. I had almost forgotten what that sound was like.

"You should probably order before she kills you" Finn whispered as he let go of me making me instantaneously face the cashier.

"One double cinnamon latte, please" I ordered with no hesitation

"It's on me"

Nice, always the gentleman.


	2. The Small Talk

There I stood, a glint in my eyes, a perfect red dress hugging my body, and a red carnation almost shinning on top of my brown hair. I hardly used dresses because I was hardly a princess, but I felt like one today. It was difficult for me to feel pretty, to feel perfect and yet, today, I did. A smile had drawn itself on my face the very moment my eyes had taken my reflection in the mirror and I knew that night was going to be amazing.

"You look stunning"

Brittany's voice had greeted me as she, as well, appeared in the mirror. She was always so nice, so pure, it was almost unbelievable. I know very well she had made out with every single boy in school and some girls too, including me, but she was still extremely childish, she was just a little girl on the inside. As she placed her hands on my shoulders, my smile broadened. I placed my right hand on top of hers and gave it a light squeeze.

"Thanks, you do too, as always" I answered "You know I look much better though" I joked right after, for some odd reason I always had trouble shooting out compliments. Thank the world for witty remarks.

Brittany, after thinking for a few minutes, laughed at my words and let go of me to get a close look at her blonde hair in the mirror. Silence came soon after and I felt lightly uncomfortable. This always happened with Brittany, probably because I couldn't come to terms with how I felt about her. She could have easily been just my best friend but we complicated everything the first time we kissed. At that moment, I didn't want to think about it, I had enough problems as it was. And to think I haven't seen the blonde since I left high school, who would have thought.

Silence got the best of me and I left, walking aimlessly through the hallways of the church. Soon enough, my eyes caught hold of the lonely figure of Finn Hudson. I had absolutely no idea why but, in a matter of seconds I was there, by his side looking at him with a quizzical look in my eyes.

"This tie thing is more complicated that what I thought" he mumbled under his breath looking down like a child who had just been punished.

Cute. I would have never thought of that word to describe him but he looked cute, childish, just like Brittany. I always wanted to think it was some sort of motherly instinct that pulled me to him and caused me to shake my head as I begun to do his tie. Silence again, but it was different, it wasn't the awkward kind I had with Brittany earlier on.

I have to be honest here, once I was done, my hands remained on his chest a bit longer than usual. Our eyes met and, for a moment, I felt it. I felt that electricity shooting through me, that something that made my heart pump faster. I could swear he leaned towards me but then, he spoke.

"If she found out she'll break up with me"

Great, he had to bring up the virginity thing. It was my fault, my fault for making it seem like a business transaction. Once again, I was the only one to blame.

"And that would be bad because…" I argued trying to sound as cold as possible.

"Because I'm in love with her"

My fingers tapped the coffee cup as I drank a sip, the warmth of the liquid feeling soothing as it traveled down to my stomach. I sunk deeper into the comfortable sofa, and my eyes shot up to meet Finn's gaze.

"Got lost much?" he asked letting out a laugh as my I returned to reality.

Thing is, after the day of the wedding, my relationship towards Finn Hudson had changed entirely. I barely talked to him anymore; I was scared to say the least. I didn't want to allow myself to fall for someone who was in love with someone else. He and the midget, Rachel Berry, were obviously made for each other. They always looked like love sick puppies as they walked through McKinley hand in hand. It was sickening, I wanted that too. I wanted that someone who matched me in every way, that someone with whom I could spend hours talking on the phone. I never found that someone. After leaving college I had failed attempts at going into long term relationships; none of them had lasted more than a month.

"Just high school memories" I answered, a little too defensive and guilty filled for my taste "Speaking of such, do you…keep contact with" Rachel Berry "any of the ex-glee people?"

"No, I thought we were going to keep in touch but, I guess we all went different ways"

Finn was a lot more loquacious than what I recalled, his vocabulary seemed to have expanded which was a good thing, I supposed. He was never the sharpest crayon in the box, but I could easily see there was more maturity to him. Well, to an extent, it was obvious most kids she knew back in high school had become wiser people, it was just the circle of life. Good, I was now becoming Mufasa.

"So you haven't talked to Rachel?"

Before I could even realize it, those words escaped from me. If I had been more concentrated on our attempt to have a normal, amicable, small talk then this wouldn't have happened. Once again, my fault. All I could do now was try my best to appear calm, serene, and overall normal. After all, it was an inoffensive question.

"Well, we broke up about a month ago" he answered making me feel instantly guilty for what I had asked.

I could see the way his pain briefly contorted with pain before he tried to appear unharmed. It nearly killed me. Who knew? Maybe I just became more compassionate with age.

"It's okay" he hurried to say probably noticing my concerned stare "I've come to terms with it, we were probably never meant for each other"

Wow, those were big words. It was impossible that they weren't made for each other. I wanted to tell him this but there was a part of me, a very jealous part, that preferred to keep this silent.

"Oh. So, what brings you to New York?"

That was much better, back to the small talk. I saw Finn visibly relax at my sudden change of subject.

"The Glee kids, Nationals are going to be held here once again. I just took a break from the bunch while they went to see Wicked"

Nationals, those words meant to much back in Glee club. Winning those meant eternal glory and finally some respect from the group. It felt nice to know that, after we won the past New York Nationals, the Glee clubbers didn't have to worry about budget or being victims of perfectly aimed slushies. I felt like a sort of hero.

"Wicked, huh? Guess the budget has increased. It's good to know the kids are here, they are obviously going to…"

"Why don't you join us for Nationals? I would love for you to see us perform tomorrow"

Had he just interrupted me? Why didn't I mind?

"Sure…sure that sounds great" I stammered still trying to fully understand the invitation.

"Awesome, it's tomorrow at…"

The cheery sound of a ringtone interrupted Finn and made him reach into the pocket of his jacket and bring out a blackberry. Look who's all executive-ized now.

"Oh hi!" he was beaming already, it must be a girl.

I knew men well enough to read their facial expressions. Finn was thrilled to be talking with whoever he was talking. Enough, Santana, he's just a friend, no, not even a friend.

"Yeah, sure…I'll be…right over, yeah, bye"

With that Finn quickly stood up making me mimic him and knowing, by a fact, he was leaving.

"I'm sorry, have to go now. Can you give your phone?"

Well, that was quick and completely vague. When did Finn became such and average specimen of the male species?

"It's the same one I had in high school" I laughed

"Umm…can I have it?"

So much for my laugh. Good to know I was so extremely important to him in high school that he didn't even kept my number. Please, do note the sarcasm in that previous line.

"Thanks, I'll call you tomorrow Santana" The ex-quarterback said his goodbyes after I gave him my number and, with another quick hug, he started to walk to the door "By the way, you look good" he added before heading out.

Good? Finn Hudson was legally blind. He had never told me I looked good before. Well, that only proved my theory that he had a bad taste all along.

There I stood, a stupid smile on my face, a jacket three times my side, and an unfinished cinnamon latte in my right hand. Times had changed, they really have.

A/N: Hello readers! I have gotten two reviews and may followings with just the first chapter so I encourage you to keep doing so because it keeps me pumped and happy. I know this chapter goes by a bit slow but it prepares the setting for what will come next. Hope you liked it!


	3. The Not Date

"In my family portrait,

We look pretty happy

Let's play pretend

As if it comes naturally"

Those lyrics were that ones that haunted me down countless nights during my senior year in college. Now, as my eyes scanned my psychology book for the tenth time, the song came back and so did painful memories. Before I could even realize what was going on, my eyes begun stinging due to the presence of a salty liquid that almost screamed for me to let it out. One blink, that was all it took for me to grant it's command.

The library was not the best place to cry your heart out but I could help it. Biting on my lower lip, I used the book to cover my face as I dried my tears away. Santana Lopez never cried, at least not in public. I had done it once, during a song I vividly remembered. I had done it once, while I stared into Brittany's eyes and I had sworn never to do such a fool of myself again. What had crying brought me that day? Only half, if not all, of the school finding out about my feelings and pushing me down to the very end of the social ladder where the "dykes" were. I wasn't even a lesbian for goodness sake! I was bisexual, was that so hard to understand?

Things wouldn't have been that bad if they had ended there but, no. The news got to my parent's and soon, they started blaming themselves for her daughter's sexual preferences. I was normal, just normal, but that wouldn't go into their heads. They always took pride in being open minded but it only took me being "not straight" for them to go insane.

After the day in which the bomb exploded, things were never the same. Mom and Dad fought every day and, whenever they weren't fighting with each other they were fighting with me.

"What, seeing Brittany again, aren't you?"

My mom's voice, still very present in my brain, took me to the point of being sick. It was beyond my comprehension how they could be so different from the parents I once knew and loved. I wasn't going to say I hated them because I still have a firm believe that the word hate is way too harsh when it's really meant, but I couldn't, I can't, stand them anymore.

Loud yelling, door banging, and, finally, the straw that broke the glass.

I had arrived late that night. My stiletto shoes were carefully balancing in my index and middle fingers as I silently walked across the living room towards the stairs. I was at the second step, I couldn't forget it even when it had been the one thing I had wanted to do for the past months, and the living room lights had gone on. My dad's face, eyes full of anger had greeted my and my heart stopped.

"Coming home at these hours? Probably off with some boy, or even a girl were you?" he asked, almost spitting the last words with disgust.

I cringed visibly. He was drunk, I could tell by the way he slurred his words and the hard smell of expensive scotch once he walked closer to me.

"You're not my daughter anymore! You are just some cheap hooker! You should go on the streets where you belong!"

His voice grew louder and dangerous in my ears. I started shaking, I could feel my legs shaking beneath me. With long strider and before I could react, the rough palm of his had made contact with my cheek. I fell, protecting my face as pain shot through different parts of my body. I cried for him to stop, he didn't.

The sound of my phone vibrating inside my bag brought me back to reality. Visibly taken a back I rapidly searched for it under the annoyed gaze of some of the book worms.

"Hello?" I answered soon followed by a loud hushing sound coming from some library inhabitant "Just a second I'm going at the library" I whispered before quickly grabbing my bags and storming out still not knowing who was at the other side of the line.

"Ok now, hello?" I asked once again, now in a normal and more comfortable tone of voice.

"Santana Lopez inside the library, who would have thought?"

It was Finn. Would it be weird to say that hearing his voice brought a smile to my face? It probably would. Perhaps hearing a familiar voice resulted soothing in these type of circumstances.

"Shut it, Finnocence" I retorted with a laugh "I happen to be top of my class nowadays"

"I'm impressed. And, Finnocence days are long gone"

"I'm impressed"

"Anyway, Santana. I was calling about Nationals. They are tonight and I have a pass for you. Do you still want to go?" Finn asked, his voice shaky.

Was it me or was he nervous? Guess some things never change.

"Yes, of course I do. Just let me know where it is and I'll meet you there"

This wasn't going to be a date.

"Are you crazy? I'll pick you up. At seven from the star bucks we met at"

"Finn…I"

It sounded like a date.

"Sorry, I have to go. Be ready!" he interrupted, a female voice in the background

This wasn't going to be a date.

How could I have been stupid enough to forget the girl that called him yesterday? No, that wasn't the right question, the right question was why on earth did I ever begin to believe he could be asking me out?

Everyone from high school knew dating wasn't my forte. I took boys to satisfy my needs and that was about as far as it went. Though I couldn't deny myself I always had a little thing for Finn Hudson so I did for Noah Puckerman and probably some other boys whose names I couldn't remember. None of them saw me as a girlfriend material and, oh yes, that was another thing I was to blame for.

Honest to god, I never thought that beginning to play the slut was going to hit me in the face at some point, but it did. Everyone wants to have some sort of relationship, some sort of bond before they end high school and I only ended up with a list full of guys with whom I had meaningless sex with. Maybe the reason why I was a bit infatuated with Finn was because that was one of the times in which sex actually meant something for me. It was love or anything poetical, but the way in which he touched me always worried that he was doing fine made me know it meant something for him too. For the first time, I didn't felt used, I didn't felt as the user.

Have I gained even more weight? I must have.

Staring at my reflection in the mirror I could easily see the little strapless black dress looking as if it had been painted on my body. It didn't look bad, it didn't look half bad, but I clearly remembered that dress being loosely fitted around my hips and, well, it wasn't that case anymore. Letting out a sigh, I simply decided I wasn't going to go through my entire closet one more time. Besides, I could easily through a jacket over this and it would cover me up just nicely.

Not wanting to take anymore time staring at myself and finding more flaws, I decided to turn my back on my reflection and grabbing a leather jacket and my purse I headed out.

For a reason that I cannot yet comprehend, my heart beat faster as I approached the Starbucks sign.

"Calm down Santana, it's just a high school reunion" I whispered to myself just as crossed the street.

As soon as I did so, I heard a familiar voice coming from silver car.

"Santana! Over here" Finn called as he waved his arm through the open window.

Unconsciously, I tried to take a peek to see his companion before I had to get into the car but I had no luck. Finn's awkward height blocked my view of however was seating next to me.

"Hey, thanks for picking me up" I said flashing out a smile.

Maybe it was just my hyperactive mind but I would have sworn Finn's eyes scanned me for a second before actually reaching my face and returning the smile.

Right as I was going to open the door to the backseat, I hear the female voice. It sounded a lot more mature than the one I had heard over the phone.

"Finn, sweetie, don't you rather have your friend seat here?"

"It's fine, mom, don't worry"

Mom, I should have known. It was so obvious I almost wanted to hit myself in the forehead for not thinking about it before. Finn was always pretty close to his mom, it made sense he brought her to see the guys he had been directing for the last year.

"Hello Mrs. Hummel" I greeted as I entered the car reminding myself to be as polite as I could be.

"Hello, dear" she answered.

She couldn't remember my name, that was off the question.

"Your hair is straight again," Finn commented making my eyes widen "curls don't look half bad on you"

Wow. His words had taken me by surprise. He noticed my hair. I had always read in those cheesy teen magazine that it was always a good sign when a boy noticed your hair. Could it be that maybe I had a chance here? I mean, I could deny that I felt attracted to Finn but, could this mean that I could make things better between us? Maybe I should see this as a chance to prove that I had changed, that I was not the same Santana I was in high school, the Santana he thought used him.

"Thanks,"

The rest of the road, we fell silent.


End file.
